Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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