She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
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Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
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His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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