she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize