and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize