He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize