his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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