You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
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That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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