You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize