just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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