1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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