I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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