True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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