I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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