I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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