WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
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seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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