shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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