At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You have to summon your inner elephant
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
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I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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