Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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