There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize