I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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