I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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