Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
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Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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