Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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