Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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