Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize