i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize