he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize