I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
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