I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize