i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize