Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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