Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize