so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
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The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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