i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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