she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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