Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
