I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize