She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize