It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
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nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
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It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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