I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize