Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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