He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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