So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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