i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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