wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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