you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
only you would photoshop your dick
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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