This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize