taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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