I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
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God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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