you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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